Enabling Addiction and Rationalizing Unacceptable Behavior

Have you ever said or thought: “He’ll get better soon, patience will turn our lives around,” “She doesn’t have a problem, all she needs to do is quit.” Allowing addictive behavior can be empowering for the person with an addiction, but also demoralizing for family and friends. Additionally, rationalizing unacceptable or negative behaviors can have serious consequences, including long-term substance use, severe medical issues, or even death.

Many substance abusers are very sensitive and emotional; therefore, support should be a top priority. However, these individuals also often struggle with underlying issues like self-doubt and low self-esteem. Empowerment can be shown in various ways, such as hospitalizations, detox or rehab admissions, partial hospitalization programs (PHP), intensive outpatient programs (IOP), and sober living environments. These situations are also considered opportunities because, in most cases, the choice is voluntary. However, without support from others, they may develop emotional barriers to treatment. As a result, family members might avoid alienating the person and view the problem as just a phase that will eventually resolve the behavior. This approach is based on protection and love, but enabling behavior happens when there is no protection.

The condition of addiction involves an obsession with a substance, person, or activity. Enabling addiction can sometimes have favorable outcomes if the behavior is beneficial, such as promoting intensive exercise without injury or continuous writing as a form of therapy. It’s important to remember that not every behavior is inherently harmful, and the term “challenging” only applies to behaviors that can be monitored over time for gradual improvement. However, many individuals with addiction struggle to resist their compulsions or avoid relapse. When observing a severe habit where a person's mental or physical health becomes dangerous to themselves or others, their support network must seek guidance from a healthcare professional. These professionals are trained in their specialties and have experience with addictive conditions to offer helpful advice. It’s essential to recognize that recommendations for individual or group therapy, inpatient or outpatient treatment, or medical assistance are merely suggestions; ultimately, it’s the support network that guides the person in the right direction.

For people dealing with addiction, the disease can be overwhelming and consuming, like a parasite living in the brain that affects all thoughts, feelings, ideas, and movements involved in impulsive behavior. The main goal is to stop the addiction, but the individual, family, friends, and medical professionals must recognize that this can be a lifelong struggle. Finding an effective program can be difficult, but developing healthy coping skills can make it easier. The truth is that addiction can happen at any time, and people don't choose their habits. Support circles also need to understand that their loved one may also be dealing with a mental illness that causes feelings of powerlessness.

Often, a family member or friend may tell the person with an addiction that they understand what they're going through. However, unless the other person has a history of substance abuse, addiction, or is in recovery, it is unlikely they truly grasp the power of addiction. Additionally, making derogatory remarks such as telling the person to stop or saying that it will never change can hurt the individual and potentially worsen addictive behaviors. Other hurtful comments, like labeling the person as selfish, shameful, undisciplined, or blaming others for their mistakes, are discouraging and may increase feelings of depression and isolation. Finally, when loved ones set ultimatums or boundaries to distance themselves from the addicted individual, it can lead to paranoia, withdrawal, depression, and a lack of motivation to do anything beyond engaging in their addiction. While setting boundaries can bring relief in many situations, strict enforcement may provoke destructive reactions. Addiction often distorts a person's priorities, so placing obstacles to support can be counterproductive. Conversely, choosing not to seek therapy, participate in programs, or take medication—over time—may have fatal consequences due to withdrawal.

People struggling with daily addiction often rationalize or find reasons to justify unacceptable behaviors. A lack of control over personal situations or stressors can generate urges and cravings for activities that serve as escapes. These activities enable the individual to deny the problem, shift blame, suppress feelings, and develop a sense of invincibility. It is crucial that the support network stays alert and committed to helping the person “surrender,” moving away from giving permission and making excuses for intolerable behavior to promote a healthy life. People with addiction, regardless of the circumstances, environment, or conditions, are still people and deserve redemption.